Being A Parent

  We all come to parenthood through our own ways; some intentional (such as myself), some by accident (what I hope you now see as a happy accident), some by force  and some by complete miracle. One thing we've all heard prior to becoming a parent no matter what got us there is that parenting isn't easy. I recently passed a shirt in the store that says "Dad, the hardest job you'll ever love" and that's pretty true about parenthood.
   While my son was an infant and under a year old I didn't really take too much notice on what I watched or listened to. I was never one to watch or listen to anything too bad anyways, but as he got older and was talking I realized just how much my son pays attention. I might have thought he wasn't even hearing what I said but sure enough he knew every word. It was at that point I realized how important it was to watch what happened around him.
  My son, boyfriend and myself were at Pizza Hut Jordan was paying our bill and Seth looks at me and says, "This song reminds me of a song." I ask, "What song?" and he says, "It says Yeah" I immediately had a song come to mind and thought no surely that isn't the song. Sure enough he started singing it and yes, it was Yeah by Usher. My son is 6 years old and there's no reason for him to know that song. There's no reason for him to hear any song that refers to sex. When he's with us our playlist is Disney songs and occasionally other popular but age appropriate songs so I knew it wasn't from my home that he learned it.
   You know I know what it is to think of a movie or a song while at work and all you want to do when you get home is watch or listen to it, but not being able to because your kid is around. You watch the same kid movie 5 times a day until they become tired of that one and start watching something else and you watch that movie no matter how bad you want to watch Die Hard. It's listening to Kidz Bop because nothing on the radio is appropriate and wanting to stick knives through your eardrums so you don't have to suffer through their awful voices and versions of the songs anymore instead of listening to Eminem like you've been wanting to do all day. It's playing a video game that's E or T rated even though you're aching to shoot someone in bloody fashion after your awful day.   But that is parenting. When you become a parent it isn't about what you want anymore, it isn't about whats easy, it doesn't matter how good or bad your day was. As parents it is our job to ensure that they don't see, hear or get into things that they should be kept away from. So when your child finally goes to bed and is fast asleep you put in that movie, listen to that song, and play that video game knowing that your child won't be subjected to things that are inappropriate. It's not easy, it's hard and sometimes downright painful being around kids and kid friendliness all the time, but that is being a parent. Parent up or step away because these kids need parents that do whats best for them.

Planning, Buying, and Waiting

   Since I realized my feelings for Jordan I knew I would marry him. He has been amazing to me and my son. He has been understanding and forgiving. I am allowed to be myself; happy, sad, depressed, overwhelmed, you name it he's there with open arms. He never speaks down to me. He never abuses me in any way. He has been the opposite of everything I have been use to.
   I've been planning our wedding for nearly 2 years, which I know a lot of people would say is insane especially since we aren't even engaged yet, think what you will. At first I was planning these unrealistic decorations, places, dresses, etc and as the time went on I started to think with a level head. I became aware that though those things are beautiful its one day and there's no reason to spend that much money on one day. I decided to think rationally; plan budgets, cut out the unnecessary, buy things that can be reused, DIY whatever I can, ask family do to what they can, etc. Now basically all the planning is done.
    Yes, once again we are not engaged yet, but the ring is picked out and the proposal will be soon, obviously I don't know when, that's his job. The date is set for the wedding and I simply cannot wait!
    We've started the buying process for the wedding. Its a lot better to buy ahead of time instead of all at once, much easier on the bank account. So far I have the table runners, the tent (just in case of rain), plates, plasticware, napkins, ice bucket and cups. The cake topper and table covers are on their way.  I'm making my own bouquet and I've bought the flowers for that, real flowers that will both make my garden look amazing and make my wedding bouquet gorgeous. As I said everything should be able to be reused and I absolutely love that! The location is set. I'm 95% sure I know what dress I'll be wearing given it's still available at the proper time to buy it. 
    I have planned this wedding with input from Jordan and with plenty of help from Pinterest and Google.
Amazon, Wal-Mart, Party City, David's Bridal and Macy's seem to be the places that I will get everything from.
   I didn't want a traditional wedding. I've done traditional now I want the wedding I want while not denying him or his family a real ceremony. I was sitting in bed planning the wedding one night before bed and when I went to sleep I had a dream; it was my wedding in the location we had already chosen, it was beautiful, cost friendly, simple, and intimate. I woke up knowing this was exactly what I wanted. I talked through it with Jordan and he has no problems with my ideas. I know that some will be offended for not getting to be apart of it or not getting invited, but they aren't paying for it we are.     
   I have enjoyed planning our wedding and picking out the items for the wedding. I cannot wait to see it all come together!