A Beautiful Lie

Hello, Loves!
    Take a walk down memory lane with me for a moment, will you? I want you to think back to your current and past relationships be it spouse, fiance, bf/gf, or just dating. Think back to every moment that would make you say, "That was a perfect moment." Now why am I having you do this? So you might better understand how I feel. Do you have your perfect moments?

..... 

Good.

    I haven't had many moments in life that I could say I truly thought were perfect moments, sad, but true. Outside of one moment in Rossville with a guy I liked and his little sister walking through the town, talking, being picked up and carried over a puddle, looking at old cars, etc. The little sister part makes it sound weird, but it wasn't... it was fun, relaxed, and perfect. Anyways outside of that moment I'd say all of my perfect moments happened in the past 5 months. More specifically in about one month's time ending about 4 months ago. A drive to the park, sitting in the car listening to country, talking and looking at the Christmas lights. A first perfect kiss that left me speechless. Him speeding to where I was to make sure I was OK after a bad conversation with my ex. Etc.

   Skip past the heartache that he's caused me... twice.... 

   Now we're here. Here is where I say never again because loving him just looks like me with tears uncontrollably flowing down my reddened cheeks. Here is where after deciding never again that I take the time to reflect, really reflect on everything that happened. Here is where I start piecing together all the moments and conversations more than I ever did before (and I already did before quite a bit and yet I find myself amazed at things I missed). Here is where I realized what I already knew, he lied. Worse of all not only were the excuses coming out of his mouth a lie, but the person he was, was a lie. Which brings me to all of my perfect moments with him were a lie.... a beautifully tragic lie. I fell in love with a lie. So imagine all those perfect moments you have were lies and you have some of how I feel.

    You see when I figured that out, the whole I was in love with something that doesn't really exist, I was finally able to let go because I can't hold on to something that isn't real. Loving that man does me as much good as falling in love with Aladdin or Prince Charming, they don't exist.

   I will forever look back at those memories with both thoughts of perfection and sadness. I will always love the man I thought he was and I will more than likely be searching for that man in every guy I meet. I loved him despite things he did that I didn't like. I found home in his arms and heaven in his kiss.... those are things you just don't forget. However now when looking at him I will see the truth and not the lie. 

   It was truly a beautiful lie...

A word of warning though, Darling, for "old times" sake, karma's a bitch. One day everything you do and everything you've done will come back to bite you in the ass. No, not at my hand because that's not who I am, though you accused me of much worse. You could break my heart a million times and I'd still never cause you or your daughter harm. Hell I wouldn't even harm her (you know who) or her kids even though the way she uses you pisses me off. I'm not dangerous, but you already know that. Hurting my feelings just makes things easier on you. Congratulations you got what you wanted.