Depression multiplies the things you already feel.
Depression says "Just forget it, it will never go any further, there's no possibility of something more, no future, you'll always be second best and come in second place, may as well quit now.."
Depression sits back with a smug look as it points out the pain in your chest and that let down feeling that you just can't shake.
Depression laughs as you cry.
Depression is entertained by your agony.
With each depressed moment you get weaker because it is sucking away all your strength so it can get stronger.
Depression is a slow and painful death, maybe not a physical death, but something on the inside dies when it's around. Hope is lost. Patience is gone.
...why do I have to deal with this...
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
Depression Speaks
Tuesday, November 7, 2017
1 Year Ago Today
So I'm posting this a day late, but I'll still word it as if it was today.
1 Year Ago Today I woke up unaware of where I was. As I looked around the room I was sitting in I realized I knew this room, this room was familiar, One I'd seen many times growing up, this was a motel room. I was suddenly hit with the realization that everything from yesterday was real. We did decide to separate, I did pack up my stuff, I did move, and this was now my home. After years of wondering how long I'd have to be stuck in my marriage, how long I'd have to cry, and when I could finally break free I was finally there.
My husband at the time, his and my family all thought this was a break, time for me to heal and forgive, but that was never my plan. I spent around a month trying to get the courage and figure out how to break the hearts of all those around me, each time I tried all I could picture was them crying as if they were right in front of me. Even my own mother was against me out of a desire for my son to not be in a broken home like she and I had been in, but sometimes a broken home is the best thing that can happen for a family.
A year ago today was the day I changed my life, it's the day I started to live and not just exist, it's the day I began to find me.