The Endless Cycle Of Brokenness

Dear Innocent, Relationship Based, Never Bend the Rules and Never Been Broken Loves,
      I was you. I believed in relationships and true loves, I never went against the rules because I didn't want to hurt those around me, I had never felt the true breaking of a heart though I thought I had. I was innocent. I was unbroken. 
   Today I am cold and broken. Today I live as who I am regardless of who it hurts. Today I am not innocent.
   You see my heart was broken. Truly and utterly broken. I cried for relief and when it didn't come I wished for my death and then cried because I'd never wished for something so awful in all my life.
   He should have been that great love after that great misery but instead he became another part of my pain. He broke me. Then trying to hold on to what I thought I needed and what I thought I should have I continued to break myself.
   He broke me and as the cycle goes I'm sure I'll break another... it's cruel and not something I want to do, but the brokenness and the pain have changed me. The once warm and always loving woman isn't around anymore. Yes, I can love but only if the connection is there. If the connection isn't there I am cold and I use for whatever I need not intentionally. No matter how much I take in consideration their feelings I also don't. The thought of hurting someone the way I've been hurt makes me sick to my stomach and yet I can't stop because they supply a need. Though I warn them that I'm heartless and that there's no connection daily still I fear what pain I will cause them.