Christmas

I don't know about the rest of you, but I cannot wait until after Thanksgiving. My boyfriend is going to help me decorate for Christmas! It's been a long time since I've had someone willing to help, besides my son who's too young to do much.
I miss the beautiful, magical look of Christmas lights and decorated trees, the scents of Christmas such as pine, cinnamon, and all things baked, looking out the window from the warmth and safety of my home and seeing the beautiful snow cover the ground and trees (just don't make me go outside!)
Yet sadly as much as I miss all these things recently Christmas has just felt like another day lacking in all things wonderful and magical, I think that's what I miss most that childlike feeling you get on Christmas. I miss the things I can never get back like sitting with my mom, listening to Christmas music, wrapping presents, and decorating the tree, but now I have a job, a kid, my own place, etc. and it all just gets in the way. I'm afraid we never learned to adapt when things changed and now there's rules that stop the adapting I would hope for, but maybe I can find a day or two this year to get a little bit of it back.
I really hope Christmas feels more like Christmas this year

2 Months

2 months together, it still feels like its been way longer, but its just a little over 2 months now and everything is going well.
We talk to each other well and easily so much so that we lose sleep just staying up talking.
We pick things out together each taking the other's opinion into account.
We watch movies or tv series that one of us may not like but the other person does so we watch it for them. For me he watches my chickflicks, for him I watch the so stupid it's funny comedies. Sometimes we even find out we like one of them.
We cook for each other.
I do laundry, he does dishes lol.
We occasionally play video games together.
She grocery, clothes, gift, etc. shop together.
We share be it food, blankets, vehicles, who pays the bill, etc.
We help each other with our projects. I helped him with his Halloween costume, he helped me, and by help I mean he mainly did it, with my entertainment stand.
Do we always agree? No, of course not. Do we always like the same things? Nope, definitely not. Did either of us at any point accidentally upset the other person? Sure did.  However all those things don't make up a relationship, but how you handle it does.  Do you apologize sincerely and don't do whatever it was again when you're wrong? Do you talk things out? Do you compromise? Do you love them past their flaws? Do you enjoy doing things for them?
I don't know where we'll end up in the future, I know what I want, but this is life and it does have a way of throwing you curveballs. However with the way we are together I don't see anything that could change the way we feel towards each other. I don't think there's much, if anything, that we couldn't handle together.  I mean don't go putting just the two of us up against an army of the dead or anything, but normal life situations I think we've got that.
Speaking of army of the dead HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! one day I hope to be able to get more into Halloween, decorating, giving out candy, costumes, the works, but for now I don't really have that option.  However with him I know I will, we just need a better place for it... and living together would help. Lol.
I can't wait until after Thanksgiving he's going to help me decorate for Christmas!!!!! It's been a long time since I've had someone willing to help, besides my son who's too young to do much.
It's been a great 2 months and I can't wait to see what the next 2 months look like, though I'm hoping for much more than just months and much more than just a couple of years. 

Forever?

If you're anything like me when you're single you're afraid you'll be alone forever and if you're with someone and you truly care about them you're afraid you'll lose them. Amazing how there's fear on either side, you just can't win either way.
I found someone I want and I'm pretty damn set on forever, but to be honest I'm terrified. I'm terrified I'll do something stupid (no matter what it is) and he won't love me or want to be with me.
My son came into the bedroom and said, "I'm scared" and honestly I wanted to say, "Me too" of course for very different reasons.
I've been hurt, left and misused by people I had at one time thought could be my forever and now every little thing makes me question if it will happen again. Forever feels like a fairytale and to be honest I stopped believing in fairytales a long time ago. (Insert JoJo singing Fairytales.. Don't know it? Look it up, it'll make sense then) It's hard to hope for something you stopped believing in, even when you're praying it exists...

Homesick

There are conviniencies to staying in Lebanon like traveling to work is 10 minutes away vs 30 minutes away or the fact that I'm with my boyfriend all the time, also I'm able to save up money easier this way, but I miss my home. It's mine, it's where my food is, my comfort, my bed, my sofa,... all my stuff. I missed it so much that it caused me to cry, sounds lame I know, but I've missed it that much. 
It's nice to be in my home, it reminds me why I'm working so hard. I don't work hard to live in someone else's home I work hard to have a home of my own. One day to have a house of my own.
It creates this dilemma of going with ease of travel vs my comfort or staying in my place vs always being with my boyfriend. This would be easier if my job was in the same town as my apartment or if my boyfriend and I had been together long enough for both of us to feel comfortable moving in together (one of us is fine with it the other isn't)
I don't know, I just don't know. Maybe had I not skipped a weekend of being at my place I wouldn't feel this way or maybe I was building up to this all along. All I know is that I missed my home. Now I'm here and I'm so much more comfortable. No worrying about roommates, no uncomfortable temperatures to deal with, no worrying about being too loud and waking the roommates, no awkwardness at all... Just me at my apartment with my Love and my Little Love, now that's home.

Socially Exhausted

I will never fully understand why I am the way I am. Why does being around people completely drain me? I've heard several different theories, each sounding as good as the last, but what's the real reason. Is it an introvert thing or is it that I'm overwhelmed by the energy that others put off, a mixture of both perhaps? I honestly don't know. All I do know is that it takes time alone, napping, resting, doing things i like to do such as playing a video game, watching a movie/show or reading for me to recharge. 
I often have to keep from going to things that I was once looking forward to just because I don't have the energy to deal with the people around me at that point. Let me tell you that sucks. I'd love to be more social, to get out more, to not be drained by the mere presence of another, but that's not who I am and there's nothing I can do to change it. I can simply hope to surround myself with people who will love me and understand me just as I am, complicated, emotional at times, needy of both interaction and alone time.
If I'm offish please don't take it that I'm upset at you or that I don't like you, you've probably simply caught me on a drained day when I chose to push past or simply didn't have a choice or perhaps was in the middle of my day and found myself drained. I don't mean to ruin plans, hurt anyone's feelings or push people away I simply need time to recharge. I heard someone say it's like a video game so think of any game, such as Warframe, where you have a shield and once it's drained you need it to recharge to protect your health so you simply find a safe place, it's the same thing with me and my safe place is being alone for a little while. The longer I'm around people the longer my shield takes to recharge. Once I've had my time to recharge you'll notice I'm back to my normal bubbly self.

One Day, Pretty Things

One day, pretty things to name a few "I love you", moving in, proposal, a marriage, children, etc.
I have a problem. You see when I know what I want I don't see the point in waiting. For marriage, yes, there I see the point, I already have a failed one of those so that can definitely wait! But a couple things on that list would be like heaven to me. Trouble is I won't be getting them anytime soon and to be honest it stresses me out a bit.
My quote when I'm getting upset and stressed about it to the point I'm about to explode and/or blurt out stupidness is ,"One day, pretty things" because I fully believe with him that's possible, but damn I hate waiting. I sit and sigh and I don't even mean to, I'm simply stressed about it and it won't leave me alone. So One day pretty things...

What if...

What would happen if we got so in love with the person we're with and if we constantly remembered that they could be taken from us in a moment's time? Would we still be mad about that dumb thing they did or didn't do? Would the fight  be worth it?
All it takes is a moment; a car crash, an intruder, heart attack, etc. One moment, one second and gone.
I don't know about you, but I'd be kicking myself if I lost my boyfriend.
I'd regret every kiss not given, every missed opportunity for cuddles, every I love you not said, ... I would miss it all.
I'd regret every time I was upset and pushed him away, no matter how much i hate crying in front of people.
The regret isn't worth it, but the discomfort and being uncomfortable just to be close to them is.

Last Game

Today was my son's last soccer game, for now, I had work, but I was still able to make it to the game. Sure I've lost some sleep, but the smile on my son's face seeing us there will be worth it, however, I may still be a grouch. Sorry in advance, everyone.
He did such a great job today. I hope he remembers everything he's learned for when he plays in the Spring. I know playing makes him happy and it keeps him active so I love that he's playing. Hopefully by Spring I can find a way to make it to all the games, something tells me that's just wishful thinking.
My wonderful boyfriend was there watching the game with me, missing sleep with me, driving me there, and being absolutely wonderful as he basically always is, no one is perfect, but he's pretty close and never does anything to purposefully upset me.
Well world there's work tonight and I need all the sleep I can get before then! Good "night" Loves 

You're Gonna Miss This

I cannot explain to you the love a parent has for their child. I can tell you it's overwhelming. There's nothing you've experienced before that I can point out and say, "Yes, it's like that" because it's not like any of it, it's so different. It's a greater love than you've ever known.
Tonight I had an emotional Mommy Moment, well more than one, but let's focus on the one. Tonight my son fell asleep between my boyfriend and I on the dual recliner (bring I'm the first emotional Mommy moment and all the awws and feels) As Seth lay there I went to get his room ready, fan on, closet light on, blankets pulled back, etc. the whole time thinking it's going to be tough getting him off the recliners in the position he's in. When I returned back to the recliners I realized just how big he's gotten and it's been a while since he's fallen asleep anywhere but his bed and as I carried him to his room it hit me, I wont be able to pick him up and put him in bed for much longer.
Another beloved mommy moment will soon be gone because eventually he'll outgrow that too, but I'm his mommy and I don't outgrow those moments. I cling to those moments and cry as he outgrow each thing, because though I know he has to grow up I will forever miss that precious baby that I carried for 9 months, that baby that I delivered, the baby I brought home, the baby I taught to walk and talk, the 1 year old I watched run around on his 1st birthday who'd ate far to much cake, threw up, but kept smiling and running anyways, the toddler I watched slowly learn the words to You Are My Sunshine and would attempt to sing along with me, to the boy who now occasionally asks me to sing him "that song". I no longer get to hold him and rock him to sleep, he rarely ever wants to just sit and cuddle like I'd been able to do with him as a baby, I don't get to just hold him and sing him "that song" bit the moments when he asks... those moments my heart melts

1 month+

We've been together for over a month now. Honestly it feels like longer, not just to me, but also to those around us.  I'm being asked when we'll get married and how many kids we'll have lol sorry I can't answer those questions.  Sure a huge part of me would love to rush all of this, but then I remember my past and I don't want to relive that and I don't want him to live through that, he's too good for that.
He deserves that I only married once and it lasted kind of love. Obviously I've been married before and it didn't work, but I would love to make it work with him, I would love to be the one to give him that kind of love. Even still I shouldn't rush.
I enjoy spending every day and every night with him. Doesn't matter if we're at the movie theater or watching a movie at home, out to dinner or cooking at home, going shopping in the mall or going shopping at Wal-Mart, alone or with friends and/or family I simply love being with him.
I'm lucky to have someone so great in my life. He treats me and my son so well. He's there for me when I'm happy, sad, or just acting completely crazy.
I can't help but just stare at him because I'm so lucky. I'm the lucky one 😍