Precious Moments

I love those precious moments. The ones where we lay next to each other cuddling and/or holding hands and just stare into each other's eyes, no one has to say or do anything. I don't feel awkward in these moments I feel home.

Hindsight 20/20

   It's funny looking back on life at all the things I'd wanted before. How much I begged and pleaded. How much I cried when those guys broke my heart. Now I'm glad they did. At the time I wanted them so bad. I would have done anything for them and anything to get them, but hindsight is always 20/20 and I'm so glad things turned out the way they have.
   All the guys I'd wanted before never treated me even half as good as my boyfriend does. I would gladly go through every heartache again to end up with him because I don't think I could have ever fully appreciated how great he is without going through all I've been through. All that pain helped me to see the beauty in all the things he does. My feelings for him are far more mature than the feelings I had for the guys before him. Not to say he's perfect, but really who is? 

   It almost feels like he and I have been together for years then it hits me, "Oh yeah, I did go through all that" "My divorce was only 3 months ago" "My separation was only 10 months ago" "Oh right, I did like that guy" "That did happen didn't it?" Honestly at this point all of that feels like it happened in another life. For most of it I'm sitting back all "What the hell was I thinking? I'm so stupid" but hey you live and learn. I had to go wild for a bit before I could see what I really needed. Funny enough during part of my going wild what I needed was right in front of me and I was too blind to see it or maybe I was just too scared.. Either way I finally have what I need and I'm happy to call him mine 💗

Home Is Where The Heart Is

In his arms I'm home. I'm comfortable in a way I never have been before. I love when he holds me and I love holding him; it gives me such a peace and makes me happy even on my worst days.
I love to cuddle so a good portion of the time when we sleep we cuddle. If I happen to wake up because the way I'm laying is no longer comfortable I hate it and I'll lay there questioning "Do I move and risk not being cuddled or do I just stay as I am to continue to be cuddled?" I know I wont get back to sleep in the same position so eventually I move. I'll roll over and he'll roll over with me and cuddle me more. I'm not sure if he's awake when I've rolled over or if he's sleeping either way he rolls over with me almost every time. I swear I just melt when he does.
He's sweet, sweeter than I knew possible. On my worst days he's there reminding me that he cares and reassuring me that he's not going anywhere, exactly what I need. At this point I'm thinking he's kind of perfect.. even if he won't let me help decorate his bedroom and bathroom 😂 

Soccer Mom

   My son recently started Soccer, he's super excited about it. I'm so glad he's in soccer and I hope he will not only love it and have fun, but that he'll do well and continue to be active in sports as he gets older.
   I got to watch him play today, his second game. At this age they're all still a little confused, but for kids their age they did a great job, they do not keep score.
My son has an issue staying on his feet which on occasion has helped but mainly hinders.  Not to mention he could possibly get kicked in the face by a kid who's trying to kick the ball. One day he'll learn.
   Unfortunately I missed his first game due to work, but I'll be at every game I can. Missing his first game really upset me, but I am trying to do the best I can.
   I know there are people, especially other parents, who have sat back and judged me for the way things currently are, but if they were in my shoes and had to make my choices I believe a good 80% would have done the same. I can't help that I have to work to pay bills and I can't change the mistakes of my past, but I sure as hell can work my ass off to try to make my life better than it was and so far I've done a pretty good job.
I get depressed even now about some of the stuff; things with my son, not owning my own home, needing a better car, wishing I had a better job more suited for a parent, etc. but for now I'm trying to do all that I can. I fail from time to time; like shopping when I'm depressed about something or pouting when I don't get my way, but one day I'll learn not to do that, at least not as much, but for now this is me.
Currently I'm a Soccer Mom.

Dream A Little Dream

I was told that I once dreamed such vivid dreams because I felt out of control in my real life so I created a place where I had control. When I took control over my life my dreams stopped and I missed them horribly. Well my dreams are back. There's something I don't have control of anymore, my boyfriend.
You see he's pretty wonderful and though I don't think he's going anywhere you never know what another person is thinking. The possibility of ever losing him terrifies me more than I've ever felt, but I know I have no control over that so now I'm dreaming.
Not that dreaming again is bad it's the types of dreams that I'm having that I dislike. Why dream of haircuts I dislike on him or him being unfaithful with of all people his sister?! Seriously my dreams have been messed up. Why can't I dream of flying again? That was always cool.
Fear is weird...

So This Is What It Feels Like

I love that he listens to what I have to say. He wants to know my thoughts, my opinion and why I feel the way I do.
If I make a suggestion he at least thinks about it.
I'm never pushed away or mistreated.
He even checks my blog 😂 That's refreshing since no one else has cared to do so. Not that I blog for other to read it, but it's great to have a guy that cares enough to read it.
He's pretty amazing