Life & Love

   Life is full of ups and downs with new surprises around every corner. Every time I think my life has settled something changes.

For every loneliness there's a love
For every love there's a heartache
For every heartache a chance at a new beginning
And for every chance at a new beginning a chance at something better.

I was scared of being alone then I fell in love
I fell in love and then my heart was ripped from my chest
My heart was ripped from my chest and I was forced to try to move on
I was forced to try to move on and though it hasn't happened yet I know there will be something and someone better.

    I didn't ask to move on I was forced. Can I say I've fully moved on? No, no I can't. However with every passing day I'm working on me, on my life, on bettering myself. I'm spending time with friends and finding people to fill the void you left. I'm may not be in love with my friends, but I'm not alone and for a while I'm comfortable and happy.
   In your absence I found out who my true friends were because in your absence I found out which people were lying, spreading rumors and turning my words into some psychotic version of the truth. I didn't lie to you in case someone told you that I did. I have no reason to lie to you or anyone else. Lies just complicate things and I hate complications.
   When you thought I was flipping out I wasn't. Now did I ever get upset? Yes! And with damn good right!
   You've called me immature, but what you're calling me immature for is for having an opinion, telling you how I felt about you and other things, telling you what I want and for standing for what I believe in. That my darling is not immaturity; that is truth, honesty, openness. Wanting a relationship with you and getting upset because you don't want that isn't immature. It's called having feelings, you should try it.
 
   Will I eventually be fully moved on? Yes. However my moving on doesn't mean I don't care about that person. Recent events have proven to me that I can get over someone and years later given the chance those feelings can be brought back and I wasn't even in love with that person so I can only imagine how much easier it would be for someone I was in love with.
   I think sometimes we meet the right people, but just at the wrong time. We meet someone and it's epic and things go great for a while, but then they fall apart so you drift away. I think that's life's way of saying you aren't ready for each other yet. There's things you have to  need to do first to be fully ready for that person.
   I, who has never "lived" in the ways of everyone else, am finally going out and experiencing the things everyone else my age already has. I've made some good decisions and I've made some bad ones. I've tried some things I never thought I would, been places I never thought I'd go, and done things I never thought I'd do. However I can tell you I've gone about it with maturity and not like some stupid Girls Gone Wild.
Take alcohol for example; yes, I've drank, but I'm not going out like most people and wasting all my hard earned money on it, I'm not going overboard and waking up the next morning with hangovers and/or not knowing what I'd done the night before, I'm not trying to drown my sorrows in it... and trust me I've had some sorrows I'd like to drown.
Now there are some things that are out there that all of you may have tried that I never will. For example drugs. No, no way. No, thank you. Not happening. I have to force myself to take medicine for a headache and normally I'll have to have the headache for days before I take anything.
    Life will continue to have ups and downs. I will take it one day, one moment at a time. Some days I will take it better than others; some days I will cry, some days it won't phase me, and others I'll flip my switch so that I don't have to care... funny enough that is an option once you get to a certain point. I know because I recently flipped it.

So here's to life and love and whatever is coming next, may it be beautiful!