I know you've been waiting for this post. I won't give out his name, we'll just go with his first and last initials, TM.
So I met TM at my old job. I worked at a gas station with his sister. I met him when he came in one day. I started working at the station November 3rd, 2015 so I've known of him for around a year. To be honest I don't even remember meeting him.
As the time has gone on I've slowly started remembering conversations he and I had C02, him helping me fill the ice, etc. I remember he used to almost always come through the drive-thru window and I had eventually memorized his order, 32 mountain dew, long straw, and a pack of Pall Mall Red 100's. I remember he almost always went to Pump 2 for gas.
Since I was in a miserable marriage at the time my brain was in no position for he and I to have had some memorable meeting.
I remember he came in one day and I said "Hi T." and he was surprised I knew his name, but then he remembered his shirt had his name on it so he thought that's why I knew his name. No, I knew his name because he was my friend's brother. I did always want to call him and his brother by the opposite names though lol. That was one of the first days I knew I had the names right.
When I'd decided I was leaving my husband he was there for a conversation I was having with coworkers and they all said they'd help me, including him. I walked into a back room and cried after that conversation because they were so willing to help me. It was sweet.
My husband and I separated.
Thanksgiving day I was working and TM came in, got his stuff, paid and stood there to talk to us like normal, but this time I noticed something. Another customer had come up so he moved over to give room and out of the corner of my eye I noticed he was staring at me. After TM left I asked the guy I was working with if there was a possibility that TM had a crush on me and he said I don't know, but not to worry about it because TM was harmless.
A couple of my friends were very, very pushy about TM and I hanging out. One of them was saying just as friends, but the other was thinking as more. I was terrified because I wasn't interested in a relationship and I figured TM was. I had his number, but because of that fear I didn't text him even though he would leave and say "text me" lol.
I'm not sure what exactly happened that made me do this, but one day he left and didn't say bye so I text him and said, "Well bye to you too" He responded "I'm sorry I just kind of got to talking and I have to go to Lebanon to work over there tonight." separate text "But hey I got you to text me" ... I just remembered what happened that made me want to text him... my friend told me earlier that day about a conversation they had when he had been at her house and he asked her if it was bad that he thought I was beautiful. I asked her if he really used the word beautiful and she said yes. That started it all. Most guys called me hot or sexy but that's not a real compliment in my eyes. So what you want to have sex with me big deal I've heard that a lot, but he said beautiful.
(I'll just pause for a moment to let you know typing this, remembering it all is hurting a lot. I'm no joke crying. I melt at the thought of him calling me beautiful... the fact that I love him this much and he'll probably never be mine is absolutely heartbreaking...)
You may ask how I knew word for word what those text had said... that's because I have screenshots of some of our texts. The earlier texts that is. So yeah that was the start.
So his sister invited me to their thanksgiving, which was at her house. I was so nervous about going and I didn't know where she lived so his sister and our friends kind of forced me into telling TM he was taking me. I still remember he looked at one of our friends and said "You don't have to pull my arm" as he held his arm out to him lol. He had a big smile on his face... I love his smile (... My God, this is torture) Seeing him smile is nothing short of amazing. Anyways, I'd text him more and I told him it was a little weird that the first time we were going to hang out outside of the station was at a family event. Not to mention his ex would be there and she knew I was coming with him and I wasn't sure how she'd react. He told me he'd protect me. (If there's one thing I've learned about him he's a protector. I have never felt that feeling of being safe with anyone but him.)
The night of their thanksgiving we stop at the station to get something to drink. Our friend had a big smile on his face seeing us come into the station together. We left the station and headed to his sister's. We all ate, talked, and then played Cards Against Humanity. Where they all enjoyed hearing me say words they'd never heard me say before because you have to read the cards and they had some "dirty" words. It was fun.
Before we'd played the game someone had upset him and I could tell and him being upset, upset me so I gathered up the courage and went and sat next to him on the couch. He'd later text me and told me he was happy that I came over next to him because he was really upset and he felt like I actually cared. (I did.. I do. Even after everything someone hurting him, upsetting him,... that pisses me off.) (I was sitting very close to him on that couch.. I wanted so bad to link arms but I didn't..) Anyways after the card game he took me home. That was December 3rd.
December 4th we'd been texting and at 7:41 p.m. he told me he really liked me and at 7:49 he text "Wanna go for a ride" So he picked me up from my place with hot chocolate and he drove us to the park where all the Christmas lights were up and we parked and talked for hours. I got a bit of a shoulder massage after he'd mentioned he was good at massages. I'd been sore. We were out late and I was exhausted at work the next day, but it was so worth it.
December 5th my Wasband (soon to be ex husband) had really upset me so I went to a friend's house and he came there quite literally as fast as he could. He'd been at work and then sped over after work to make sure I was ok. He'd told a lady he'd work on her car that night so I went with him and I got to watch and learn a thing or two. (I like watching people work on cars. So to me that was fun.) I sat outside while he went in to talk to her and collect payment and he said she started digging through change... I guess that made him cry. (TM has a heart of gold. He's always helping someone. Fixing things for much cheaper than he should or for free. Just another thing to love about him.) After that I went with him to look at the van of the friend whose house I'd went to. Then we went back to her place and he asked me if I wanted to go get something to eat and I said "Sure" which was not an acceptable answer because he said "It's either yes or no" He threatened to throw me into a tree and picked me up when I said he wouldn't. Normally I hate to be picked up I don't trust people, but I loved it. Well we went to Wendy's and sat outside in the car and talked. Once again he was trying to get me to do the talking.. never could come up with conversation topics. (Honestly I didn't care what we talked about so long as I was with him. I'm addicted to the way he makes me feel. The feeling safe, the way I trusted him, the way he made me feel beautiful,....After him I suddenly didn't feel the need to be perfectly put together before I went somewhere because to him I was beautiful and he made me feel beautiful and that's all that mattered.) After we ate.. he ended up finishing my food lol.. he took me back to get my car where we sat and talked some more. I did link arms with him that night. Also he asked me to scratch his back so I did. I eventually got in my car and we went our separate ways.
December 6th I sent him a text and told him it was weird not seeing him because I'd seen him 3 days in a row. I guess he'd thought about seeing me, but he didn't want to bother me. So I didn't get to see him that day, but we did text.
December 7th We hung out at the laundromat while he washed his clothes. After that he drove to my place. We sat in the car for a little while and I decided to hold his hand. I wanted to drag out the time with him so I asked him to come into my place so he did and we watched Hunger Games and talked. He mentioned there was something he'd wanted to do, but he didn't want to do anything stupid and I kept asking what.. ok lets be honest I knew what it was.. See when he and I first started talking I was terrified to even look in his direction out of fear that he might try to kiss me, but I wasn't scared anymore I wanted him to so I sat Indian style facing him hoping that might help him some. He'd been hiding (adorably!) behind me. I did finally get my kiss that night. I wanted so bad to update my Facebook post to "Speechless" but the last thing I needed was people's questions. (I can honestly say I don't want to kiss anyone else. I would gladly kiss him for the rest of my life and never need another person. I don't think I'm going to get that opportunity, but that doesn't make it any less true.)
There's more moments, but I'm not going to keep going through them all.
It was such a short amount of time that we spent together maybe a month (it felt like so much longer), but I fell for him. Head over heels IN love with him. I've never felt this in love with someone, I've never felt the way he makes me feel, I've never fell this fast for someone,... However when it comes to love I do believe that time is irrelevant.. I would have never said that before, but now I know better.
I don't know 100% why he pulled away from me because I know he was falling for me too. He had said so. All I know for sure is that it hurts and I'm broken. I don't see how you can be falling for someone and then just ignore them. He's been a real asshole... however if he wanted to be with me and could prove it.. be with me in real, committed relationship with real titles.. even after everything I've been through with him, all the tears I've cried, the massive depression his leaving caused, etc. I'd say yes to being in a relationship with him in a heartbeat. I'd treat him like a King and his daughter like a Princess because loving him makes her the most important little girl in the world. And if one day we got married I'd gladly have a little princess or prince with him.
I doubt I'll ever get the chance, I won't hold my breath, I'll build my walls that he fought so hard to get down back up, and one day I might move on. At this point though I doubt it. If it's not him I don't want it. And I especially don't want to feel this pain ever again.
For now I'll focus on me and mine and maybe one day he'll choose me, but that can't be my focus.
Thanks for listening to my sob story...
