Sunday, July 9, 2017

"Hey, I like you"

   How do you even go about telling someone you like them? The last time it was easy because he made it very clear that he liked me so there was no fear of rejection (boy did I have that somewhat wrong. Oh well his loss.) I'm socially awkward and even more so around someone I like. My face does this 50 shades of red thing, I talk really quiet, I feel dumb, and even become a bit dumb and overthink every dumb thing I've said or done, etc.
   How does someone like me waltz up to someone they like and just say, "Hey, I like you." I mean is that all I say or do I need to be all, "Hey, I like you and I'd like to get to know you better." or do I go into like a whole speech of, "Hey, I like you and if you'd be up for it I'd like to get to know you. You don't have to answer right now you can think it over and let me know if you need to..." As I said I'm socially awkward.
  I think he's proven that he likes me. Coming over and talking to me almost every time he passes, helping me out on my line, staring at me, telling me things that weren't necessary to tell me unless I was his girlfriend like how an ex had contacted him.
   However after the recent traumas of my love life I'm afraid to read to much into anything. Somewhere in the back of my head is this maybe it doesn't mean what you think it does, what if he's doing this just to use you, etc. constant questioning. I've kind of lost my faith in men at this point. I know good ones are still out there.. I'm just afraid I won't find one or that I'll be going through guys one dumbass at a time for a long time before I find one that I feel a connection with.
   I really wish he'd just come out and say, "Hey, I like you" (if that's the case) or even just simply asking me on a date... God that word terrifies me. I immediately go into where would we go? What should I wear? All in panic mode. Why oh why am I such an anxious person?!
   I remember this movie, We Bought A Zoo, and the dad says, "You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."
It's such a great quote and I know that sometimes it's true. But I'm afraid of what if it's not? Can I handle being rejected again? Can I handle another broken heart? Do I even have any more tears to cry over guys or would another heartbreak just send me to Crazytown? How would I go about handling seeing him at work after being rejected?  Every time I've gotten that 20 seconds of courage I've been at home, but I don't want to send it on Facebook Messenger or Tweet him and I don't have his phone number... even then a text somehow seems inappropriate so that leaves telling him in person and the only place I see him is at work. He doesn't typically stick around after work and he doesn't come in early so that leaves saying something during work... like either in the middle of working or on break. I have got to figure this out.. last thing I want to do is lose out on someone who's potentially great because I was a coward....

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   Let me start by saying I love my in-laws, the whole lot, so when I say what I'm about to say don't think of it as a lack of love....